Of recent we hear of people committing a suicide. Suicide has never left any door untouched. Whether it is a School or college going student, businessman, Housewife or cops. But the hellavu has been because a famous Media personality ended her life because of certain issues being faced.

What is the one lacking aspect, is it the capacity to deal only or is there something else. Everyone creates a security system around oneself, and few or may be no one is allowed to barge in. This leads to loneliness, or isolation. Though being in a crowd few may be completely lost, and al by oneself.

One may say such people like to be all by themselves, and they do not like indulgence from others. If they do not require assistance from others, no help or do not wish to ask for help, then why are they not able to deal with their issues in hand??? Why do they take the extreme step. The issue can be dealt, by helping them build a strong “EMOTIONAL DEFENCE SYSTEM” in this fast paced world. Following are few strategies that may help.

Friendship Network
All of us are hungry for networking, but pay attention to one and ignore the other. If we have a boyfriend or girlfriend, we forget other relations like friends or Parents etc….

Just like ups and downs in life, relationships can also go through a bitter phase. A break-up or just some tit-bits. One break-off and the world seems upside down. One feels completely shattered and alone. No one to turn to or talk to. Why does this happen??? Simple and sweet, while in a relation, all the other relations especially the friends were ignored. So now the person has no one to turn out to. Now the friends repay by ignoring you. Where a healthy sharing could have taken place, its now completely a bitter one. You are left alone in the big world.

I am not saying, ignore your love mate, but at the same time, do not ignore other relations or you would remain isolated, with no one to bounce back in times of crisis.
A well read quote says ‘IT IS EASY TO GET A BOYFRIEND OR A GIRLFRIEND BUT DIFFICULT TO GET GOOD FRIENDS…SO INVEST IN FRIENDSHIPS.

Shameful – Chinese WhispersYou face an issue, and zipped goes the tongue. Many girls & boys fail to share the abuse and trauma in their relationships with friends and family early. Some kind of shame erupts them. The mind signals,  “What if someone feels I am weak” or “I am not capable” or “ My secrets shared with all and now everyone will think bad about me”. Why are people so ashamed of sharing and feeling so low about sharing??

Possibly, the person is surrounded by his own self encompassed image and shattering the image would be like complete break-up to the self. Sharing seems to be like a low profile, i.e. only the weaker lot shares. I am not weak. Other reason may be the person has a particularly low image about herself. Those who cling inspite of all abuse are those who feel low about their physical self or other attributes. Girls who view their dark complexion as bad also fall prey.

Looking around, one will notice, none of us are problem free person and being a social animal, we require a ear to share our utmost feelings. For this, friendship is required, a confederate who would guide us, but at the same time won’t be biased.

Reality check
Most of the time, we notice people on calls. Few of them trying to clarify a point or a thing. One hears dialogue like, “Aisa Nahi hua”, I got late because of a Meeting, ask my boss”, and it goes on and on. Few conversations heard, my mate calls me up every few minutes, so sweet, so caring and so on.. Does this not ring a bell??

Why does he call so many times, why he wants all my updates??? One would agree, in the initial stages of dating, it seems incredible. So much of love and importance. But after few months or years, it just gets nagging. Every time an explanation required. Possessiveness is viewed earlier as intense love but slowly the lover gets choked and stops breathing freely. Here begins the question of suspicion and the roots to all problems.

When guys utter, ‘do not talk to this boy or that girl’ or shares , ‘give me all your passwords’ it is a danger signal. Either talk out to them or dump them so that the brooding is over. Some continue clinging as they fear that their peers will ridicule them and as everyone flaunts a lover they feel compelled to do the same. What is important to understand is that, ‘ having a lover is not about efficiency and not having one is not about deficiency’. Avoid possessive guys, those who are violent and abusive in public and apologize profusely later.

Close Acquaintances

How much are you aware of each other’s families and friends? Do you have any interactions with them? Have you been introduced to them?

While in a relation, all these questions deserve an answer. Mostly when it comes to the question of being introduced to a close acquaintance, the question is mostly ignored, saying, “in due course of time”. When a mate keeps you away from their close relations, something can be fishy, possibly a false relationship. Be aware and take a stand immediately, and not prolong, so that it ultimately hurts you at the end.

 

Love yourself
The only thing we love doing is “Self criticizing” or “ Self Blame”. This means a complete unacceptance towards oneself.

More importance is given to what others say about oneself. If someone says good, we are good and vice-versa.  Not knowing oneself and ones qualities can be dreadful. The first step is to ‘accept one’s body exactly as it is’. Speaking consciously to oneself and loving oneself, can give immense strength and one would know oneself better and would not get disturbed by others and dependency would reduce. Giving too much of importance to others than self, leads to dependency and then when the relationship ends, there is a vacuum, no one can fill. Failures are bound to give pain, but knowing yourself and loving yourself, will create an atmosphere of EDS and help deal successfully.

2 thoughts on “Dealing with Trauma — EDS ( Emotional Defence System)

  • January 10, 2015 at 5:02 PM
    Permalink

    Aw, this was an incredibly good post. Spending some time
    and actual effort to create a good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a whole lot
    and don’t seem to get anything done.

    Reply
    • February 16, 2015 at 1:00 PM
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      Find out the reason, do a little self introspection, it will help to unleash the hidden potentials

      Reply

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